From : Ancient Wisdom Reveals 7 Rituals That Will Make You Happy
Step Back
What do the people we hold up as icons do? Well, James Bond doesn't hop up and down when he beats Blofeld and he doesn't cry for his mom when henchmen shoot at him. He's not emotionless -- he's in control of his emotions. Plain and simple: he's less reactive to his external circumstances. The events around him do not dictate his behavior. He decides how he will respond.
When you're reactive, you give up free will. Impulsive rarely has a positive connotation; it's pretty much synonymous with bad decisions.
So when something happens and triggers a strong emotional response, step back. Take a deep breath and let your thinky-brain decide if throwing your laptop against the wall is the best way to cope with slow internet speeds.
We make better decisions when we see thoughts and feelings as just that: thoughts and feelings. They are not "you" and you don't have to act on them.
So what should we do? Well, when you feel those strong emotions well up, followed by a desire to do something extreme -- pause. The stronger the emotions and the more urgent the desire to act, the more skeptical you should be and the more you want to hit the brakes.
At first, just give yourself a count of five. You want to extend your ability to feel the feelings without acting on them, fighting them or denying them. They will dissipate. It never seems like they will in the moment (and that's why feelings are so powerful) but they will dissipate.
Acceptance
The Stoics were control freaks.... They were very serious about control, yes, but serious meaning that 99% of the time you don't have any. And you better get used to it.
All you can truly control is your deliberate thoughts.
And Buddhism is big on "not clinging." When you cling to your desires and expectations -- you suffer. We must accept that life is not always going to give us what we want. When we give up trying to control things we can't, we feel better.
Why be unhappy about something if it can be remedied? And what is the use of being unhappy about something if it cannot be remedied?
When your opponent gets the advantage in a game, don't waste time shouting, "That should not have happened!" They do their thing and you respond, doing the best you can to improve your situation.
Feeling Is The Only Way Through
The Stoics are stereotyped as suppressing their emotions, but their philosophy was actually intended to teach us to face, process, and deal with emotions immediately instead of running from them. Tempting as it is to hide from a powerful emotion like grief— awareness and understanding are better. That means facing it now. Process and parse what you are feeling. Remove your expectations, your entitlements, your sense of having been wronged. Find the positive in the situation, but also sit with your pain and accept it, remembering that it is a part of life. That’s how one conquers grief.
(Mindfulness is) "The awareness that arises from paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally." - "learning how to stabilize attention and dwell in a lucid space of non-reactive awareness."
And that's a technique we can easily use. You imagine the worst possible scenario, feeling it as realistically as possible, and, with time, find that its power over you shrinks and shrinks.
We are happiest and most effective when our minds cease to be time travelers and stay focused on the here and now.
And modern research by Harvard happiness expert Daniel Gilbertshows that a wandering mind is not a happy mind:
So what should we do? Catch yourself in the act. This is your new game to play. Check in with yourself. "Is my attention focused on the here and now?
Mindfulness is meditation writ large. In meditation, you focus on your breath, your attention wanders, and you return your attention to the breath. Over and over. And in living a mindful life, you're focused on the present, your mind wanders, and you return it to the present. Over and over.
People Are Ridiculous. Love Them Anyway.
No. You're not perfect. They're not perfect. Be patient. Be compassionate. Don't judge. Help.
If we’re more accepting, more peaceful, less judgmental, less selfish, then the whole world is that much more loving and peaceful, that much less judgmental and selfish. Of necessity, how we are affects everyone around us.
Outside of your genetics, relationships are #1 when it comes to happiness-makers.
My empirical study of well-being among 1,600 Harvard undergraduates found a similar result—social support was a far greater predictor of happiness than any other factor, more than GPA, family income, SAT scores, age, gender, or race.
So how do we boost our empathy and compassion and improve our relationships?
So what should we do? Well, when you feel those strong emotions well up, followed by a desire to do something extreme -- pause. The stronger the emotions and the more urgent the desire to act, the more skeptical you should be and the more you want to hit the brakes.
At first, just give yourself a count of five. You want to extend your ability to feel the feelings without acting on them, fighting them or denying them. They will dissipate. It never seems like they will in the moment (and that's why feelings are so powerful) but they will dissipate.
Acceptance
The Stoics were control freaks.... They were very serious about control, yes, but serious meaning that 99% of the time you don't have any. And you better get used to it.
All you can truly control is your deliberate thoughts.
And Buddhism is big on "not clinging." When you cling to your desires and expectations -- you suffer. We must accept that life is not always going to give us what we want. When we give up trying to control things we can't, we feel better.
Why be unhappy about something if it can be remedied? And what is the use of being unhappy about something if it cannot be remedied?
When your opponent gets the advantage in a game, don't waste time shouting, "That should not have happened!" They do their thing and you respond, doing the best you can to improve your situation.
Feeling Is The Only Way Through
The Stoics are stereotyped as suppressing their emotions, but their philosophy was actually intended to teach us to face, process, and deal with emotions immediately instead of running from them. Tempting as it is to hide from a powerful emotion like grief— awareness and understanding are better. That means facing it now. Process and parse what you are feeling. Remove your expectations, your entitlements, your sense of having been wronged. Find the positive in the situation, but also sit with your pain and accept it, remembering that it is a part of life. That’s how one conquers grief.
(Mindfulness is) "The awareness that arises from paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally." - "learning how to stabilize attention and dwell in a lucid space of non-reactive awareness."
And that's a technique we can easily use. You imagine the worst possible scenario, feeling it as realistically as possible, and, with time, find that its power over you shrinks and shrinks.
We are happiest and most effective when our minds cease to be time travelers and stay focused on the here and now.
And modern research by Harvard happiness expert Daniel Gilbertshows that a wandering mind is not a happy mind:
So what should we do? Catch yourself in the act. This is your new game to play. Check in with yourself. "Is my attention focused on the here and now?
Mindfulness is meditation writ large. In meditation, you focus on your breath, your attention wanders, and you return your attention to the breath. Over and over. And in living a mindful life, you're focused on the present, your mind wanders, and you return it to the present. Over and over.
People Are Ridiculous. Love Them Anyway.
No. You're not perfect. They're not perfect. Be patient. Be compassionate. Don't judge. Help.
If we’re more accepting, more peaceful, less judgmental, less selfish, then the whole world is that much more loving and peaceful, that much less judgmental and selfish. Of necessity, how we are affects everyone around us.
Outside of your genetics, relationships are #1 when it comes to happiness-makers.
My empirical study of well-being among 1,600 Harvard undergraduates found a similar result—social support was a far greater predictor of happiness than any other factor, more than GPA, family income, SAT scores, age, gender, or race.
So how do we boost our empathy and compassion and improve our relationships?
The great Stoic Hierocles said to treat everyone as family and you will come to see them as such. And, similarly, what attitude does the Dalai Lama take when dealing with others?
"Trying to treat whoever he meets as an old friend."
Sum Up
Focus on the present: Regret might be back there. Anxiety might be up ahead. But what is really bothering you right now? So spend more time in the now.
People are ridiculous. Love them anyway: The only people who are perfect and always make sense are people you don't know very well. Treat people as old friends and often they will become just that.
People are ridiculous. Love them anyway: The only people who are perfect and always make sense are people you don't know very well. Treat people as old friends and often they will become just that.
Gratitude.
Gratitude toward others and gratitude for this life with all its ups and downs. So accept it all, love it all, be grateful for it all.
Gratitude toward others and gratitude for this life with all its ups and downs. So accept it all, love it all, be grateful for it all.
