From https://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/02/happy-kids/
Happier kids are more likely to turn into successful, accomplished adults.
Step 1: Get Happy Yourself
Because laughter is contagious, hang out with friends or family members who are likely to be laughing themselves.
Step 2: Teach Them To Build Relationships
(Just saying “Hey, knock it off” when kids don’t get along really doesn’t go far in building essential people skills.)
It doesn’t take a lot. It can start with encouraging kids to perform small acts of kindness to build empathy.
This not only builds essential skills and makes your kids better people, research shows over the long haul it makes them happier.
Multiple sclerosis (MS) patients who were trained to provide compassionate, unconditional positive regard for other MS sufferers through monthly fifteen-minute telephone calls “showed pronounced improvement in self-confidence, self-esteem, depression, and role functioning” over two years.
Step 3: Expect Effort, Not Perfection
Note to perfectionist helicopter parents and Tiger Moms: cool it.
Relentlessly banging the achievement drum messes kids up.
Parents who overemphasize achievement are more likely to have kids with high levels of depression, anxiety, and substance abuse compared to other kids.
The research is very consistent: Praise effort, not natural ability.
Why? Dweck explains: “When we praise children for the effort and hard work that leads to achievement, they want to keep engaging in that process. They are not diverted from the task of learning by a concern with how smart they might — or might not — look.”
Step 4: Teach Optimism
Author Christine Carter puts it simply: “Optimism is so closely related to happiness that the two can practically be equated.”
Step 5: Teach Emotional Intelligence
Thinking kids will just “naturally” come to understand their own emotions (let alone those of others) doesn’t set them up for success.
A simple first step here is to “Empathize, Label and Validate” when they’re struggling with anger or frustration.
Molly: “I am SO SO SO MAD AT YOU.”
Me: “You are mad at me, very mad at me. Tell me about that. Are you also feeling disappointed because I won’t let you have a playdate right now?”
Molly: “YES!! I want to have a playdate right NOW.”
Me: “You seem sad.” (Crawling into my lap, Molly whimpers a little and rests her head on my shoulder.)
Relate to the child, help them identify what they are feeling and let them know that those feelings are okay (even though bad behavior might not be).
More on active listening and labeling (and how hostage negotiators use this) here.
Step 7: Teach Self-Discipline
What’s a good way to start teaching self-discipline? Help kids learn to distract themselves from temptation.
Step 8: More Playtime
Researchers believe that this dramatic drop in unstructured playtime is in part responsible for slowing kids cognitive and emotional development… In addition to helping kids learn to self-regulate, child-led, unstructured play (with or without adults) promoted intellectual, physical, social, and emotional well-being. Unstructured play helps children learn how to work in groups, to share, negotiate, resolve conflicts, regulate their emotions and behavior, and speak up for themselves.
No strict instructions are necessary here: Budget more time for your kids to just get outside and simply play.
Step 9: Rig Their Environment For Happiness
What’s a simple way to better control a child’s surroundings and let your deliberate happiness efforts have maximum effect?
Less TV.
…research demonstrates a strong link between happiness and not watching television. Sociologists show that happier people tend to watch considerably less television than unhappy people. We don’t know whether TV makes people unhappy, or if already unhappy people watch more TV. But we do know that there are a lot of activities that will help our kids develop into happy, well-adjusted individuals. If our kids are watching TV, they aren’t doing those things that could be making them happier in the long run.
