From : Ancient Wisdom Reveals 7 Rituals That Will Make You Happy

Step Back

What do the people we hold up as icons do? Well, James Bond doesn't hop up and down when he beats Blofeld and he doesn't cry for his mom when henchmen shoot at him. He's not emotionless -- he's in control of his emotions. Plain and simple: he's less reactive to his external circumstances. The events around him do not dictate his behavior. He decides how he will respond.

When you're reactive, you give up free will.  Impulsive rarely has a positive connotation; it's pretty much synonymous with bad decisions.

So when something happens and triggers a strong emotional response, step back. Take a deep breath and let your thinky-brain decide if throwing your laptop against the wall is the best way to cope with slow internet speeds.

We make better decisions when we see thoughts and feelings as just that: thoughts and feelings. They are not "you" and you don't have to act on them.

So what should we do? Well, when you feel those strong emotions well up, followed by a desire to do something extreme -- pause. The stronger the emotions and the more urgent the desire to act, the more skeptical you should be and the more you want to hit the brakes.

At first, just give yourself a count of five. You want to extend your ability to feel the feelings without acting on them, fighting them or denying them. They will dissipate. It never seems like they will in the moment (and that's why feelings are so powerful) but they will dissipate.

Acceptance
The Stoics were control freaks.... They were very serious about control, yes, but serious meaning that 99% of the time you don't have any. And you better get used to it.

All you can truly control is your deliberate thoughts.

And Buddhism is big on "not clinging." When you cling to your desires and expectations -- you suffer. We must accept that life is not always going to give us what we want. When we give up trying to control things we can't, we feel better.

Why be unhappy about something if it can be remedied? And what is the use of being unhappy about something if it cannot be remedied?

When your opponent gets the advantage in a game, don't waste time shouting, "That should not have happened!" They do their thing and you respond, doing the best you can to improve your situation.


Feeling Is The Only Way Through

The Stoics are stereotyped as suppressing their emotions, but their philosophy was actually intended to teach us to face, process, and deal with emotions immediately instead of running from them. Tempting as it is to hide from a powerful emotion like grief— awareness and understanding are better. That means facing it now. Process and parse what you are feeling. Remove your expectations, your entitlements, your sense of having been wronged. Find the positive in the situation, but also sit with your pain and accept it, remembering that it is a part of life. That’s how one conquers grief.

(Mindfulness is) "The awareness that arises from paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally." - "learning how to stabilize attention and dwell in a lucid space of non-reactive awareness."

And that's a technique we can easily use. You imagine the worst possible scenario, feeling it as realistically as possible, and, with time, find that its power over you shrinks and shrinks.

We are happiest and most effective when our minds cease to be time travelers and stay focused on the here and now.


And modern research by Harvard happiness expert Daniel Gilbertshows that a wandering mind is not a happy mind:


So what should we do? Catch yourself in the act. This is your new game to play. Check in with yourself. "Is my attention focused on the here and now?

Mindfulness is meditation writ large. In meditation, you focus on your breath, your attention wanders, and you return your attention to the breath. Over and over. And in living a mindful life, you're focused on the present, your mind wanders, and you return it to the present. Over and over.

People Are Ridiculous. Love Them Anyway.

No. You're not perfect. They're not perfect. Be patient. Be compassionate. Don't judge. Help.

 If we’re more accepting, more peaceful, less judgmental, less selfish, then the whole world is that much more loving and peaceful, that much less judgmental and selfish. Of necessity, how we are affects everyone around us.
 Outside of your genetics, relationships are #1 when it comes to happiness-makers.

My empirical study of well-being among 1,600 Harvard undergraduates found a similar result—social support was a far greater predictor of happiness than any other factor, more than GPA, family income, SAT scores, age, gender, or race.
So how do we boost our empathy and compassion and improve our relationships?

The great Stoic Hierocles said to treat everyone as family and you will come to see them as such. And, similarly, what attitude does the Dalai Lama take when dealing with others?

"Trying to treat whoever he meets as an old friend."

Sum Up

Focus on the present: Regret might be back there. Anxiety might be up ahead. But what is really bothering you right now? So spend more time in the now.
People are ridiculous. Love them anyway: The only people who are perfect and always make sense are people you don't know very well. Treat people as old friends and often they will become just that.

Gratitude.

Gratitude toward others and gratitude for this life with all its ups and downs. So accept it all, love it all, be grateful for it all.

From "change anything"  - kerry patterson etc

Scientific strategy 1: Identify crucial moments
When it comes to personal change, you don't have to be pushing yourself to the Limit all the time. You need to focus on only a handful of moments when you're most at risk. We call these crucial moments. These are the moments of truth that could the results you want- if you could get yourself to enact the right behaviors.

As you search for your own crucial moments, consider whether they come at certain times, places, around certain people or when you're in certain physical or emotional states.

Scientific strategy 2: Create vital behaviors
Once you identify your crucial moments, your next task is to create the rules you follow when Temptation pays you a visit.
Research shows that if you establish rules in advance of facing a challenge, you are far more likely to change your behavior when the crucial moment hits. Instead of facing each instance as a unique event calling for new choice, you've already decided what you do. And you're far more likely to comply.
When it comes to personal change you want to set specific rules and not vague guidelines.

Human beings are notoriously myopic. By contemplating the pleasure a good habit will eventually yield, we can make the Habit itself more enjoyable. When we take the effort to consider the long-term effects of our actions, we can overcome our hard-wired short-term bias.

Tactic 1: Visit your default future
Your default future is the life you live if you continue behaving as you currently are. Glimpses into worst-case scenarios propel people to change.

Tactic 2: Use value words

at a rehab center, they teach prisoners to link their actions to their values. We talked about showing respect for those who will sit at this place at the table. You're not just setting a table you're working as part of a team. You carrying your fair share of the work. You're not letting people down. You're becoming trustworthy. It's values values values all the time.

Stop obsessing over the unpleasant aspects of what you're required to do. Youre sacrificing so that you'll be mobile and playing with your grandkids.

Tactic 3: Make it a game
A game has three important design elements: Limited time, a small challenge, a score.

By breaking the goal into small wins, setting a limited time frame i'm developing a meaningful way of keeping score you can turn something noxious into something surprisingly motivating.
Love what you hate by turning a tough task into a game.

Summary: Love what you hate
As you work on your change effort, rid yourself of the notion that Success will require a lifetime of self-denial. You can learn to love what you hate.


If you'd like to ask several new friends at once, join associations made up of people who are working on the same problem you're trying to conquer. We were friends, I didn't know he was involved in the same program. We became close friends and bounced things off one another and encouraged each other all the time.

Distance yourself from the unwilling;
Distance yourself from individuals who repeatedly enCourage or enable your bad habits.

Do not underestimate the role fans, coaches and accomplices play in your life.

Cheap good things close and convenient, and bad things distant and difficult.
If you want to exercise more, workout equipment conveniently close in your bedroom or living room. Wear your workout clothes to sleep. Moving a temptation just a few feet away can have a huge impact.

Meet laziness a tool in your change. Humans have a default bias. We would rather not mess with things once they're arranged. Set up positive defaults. You can set things on autopilot and then count on your tendency to go with the flow.

Change cues; are there places you can put up reminders that will help keep you on track.

When baked goods were around Mary would stick to fruit or a granola bar, mary would go to bed at 10 p.m. so She wouldn't be too tired to exercise in the morning.

Human being judge much of the life experience not on the totality of the entire experience, but on the basis of the last few minutes.  Actions that occur less than 2% of the time affect the other 98%.


be the scientist and the subject. Explore your own successes and failures.

Investing Cheat sheet

My favorite bits from:  "The Ultimate Cheat Sheet For Investing by James Altucher"

So why should anyone listen to me about investing? You shouldn’t.  The most important three words in investing is: “I don’t know”. When you go into a job you NEVER lose money. If you show up for two weeks, you get paid. You might get fired but they won’t take your money. The stock market TAKES your money on bad days. Sometimes it takes a lot of your money. We’re not used to the brutality of that and it can destroy a person psychologically, which makes one (me) trade even worse. I told you about: #1. Pick some stocks and hold them forever. Since “I don’t know” applies, it’s almost impossible to pick the right ones. E) What stocks should I hold? ( A friend of mine who knows Buffett told me my book was the only book that Buffett thought was accurate about him).  I would add to that, based on what Warren does. It seems to me he has five criteria: A company will be around 20 years from now. At some point, company’s management has demonstrated in some way that they are honest, good people. If you can get to know management even better. The company’s stock has crashed for some reason. The company’s name is a strong brand: American Express, Coke, Disney, etc. Demographics play a strong role.  G) SHOULD I PUT ALL OF MY MONEY IN STOCKS? No, because you’ll never know everything about a company. So use this guideline: no more than 3% of your portfolio in any one stock. no more than 30% of your portfolio in stocks  M) WHAT ARE SOME GOOD DEMOGRAPHIC TRENDS? The internet. Yes, it’s still growing.   Baby boomers retiring. They need special facilities to live in. They need better cancer diagnostics and treatments. Energy. The more people we have, the more energy we will consume. Go for energy sources that are profitable and don’t need government subsidies. Whenever you depend on the government, you could get in trouble. Temp staffing. Every company is firing people and replacing them with temp staffers. Batteries. If you can figure out how to invest in Lithium, then go for it. G, PART 2) WHAT IF WE ARE IN A BUBBLE? Some hedge fund manager (David Einhorn) just said we might be in a tech bubble. Back to rule #1: He doesn’t know. It’s just a headline. Bubbles don’t mean anything. We had an internet bubble in the 90s. Then a housing bubble. And if you just held through all of that, your stock portfolio right now would be about a percent from all-time highs. So ignore cycles and bubbles and ups and downs. H) MY FRIEND HAS A BUSINESS IDEA. SHOULD I INVEST IN IT? Probably not. But if you want a checklist, make sure these four boxes can be checked: The CEO has started and sold a business before.   • The company has revenues and/or profits. You are getting a really good deal.  I can say this: every time I have invested with this approach it’s worked miracles. And every time I have not invested in this approach it’s been a DISASTER.  J) WHAT ABOUT METALS AS A HEDGE AGAINST INFLATION? No, they have zero correlation with inflation. The best hedge against inflation is the US stock market since about 60% of revenues of the S&P 500 comes from foreign countries. K) WHAT ABOUT METALS LIKE GOLD? DON’T THEY HAVE INTRINSIC VALUE? No. But if you’re going to pick a metal, wait until the gold/silver ratio gets higher than it’s historical average and buy silver. L) WHAT ABOUT MUTUAL FUNDS? No. Use the criteria I describe above, pick 20 companies and invest. O) IF NO HOUSING AND ONLY 30% OF MY PORTFOLIO IN STOCKS, THEN WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH THE REST OF MY MONEY? Why are you in such a rush to put all of your money to work? Relax!  Cash is a beautiful thing. You can pay for all your basic needs with it. You can sleep at night knowing there is cash in the bank. I love a stress-free life. When I look back, the times when I’ve been most stressed is when I’ve been heavily invested and the times when I’ve been least stressed is when I had cash in the bank. Forget about it. And finally, write down 10-20 bad ideas a day. Every day give the world at least one more reason to whisper “thank you” to you. Say you own a painting you bought for $20K, and due to rosy conditions in the art market, it is now worth $40K. If you owned no painting, would you still acquire it at the current price?

From Becoming brilliant

How to level four, communication through writing decreases the readers need to guess the message.

People who are good communicators take the perspective of the listener.

 Sara sees a box of M&M's on the kitchen. Excited, she opens the box only to discover that the box has just paper clips. Her mom Chuckles and ask Sarah what her brother will think when he sees the Box. Sarah says paper clips. She's having a hard time reconciling that she can think one thing but Larry can think something else. When kids no longer say paper clips but say m&ms we have a theory of mind. - just what they need to take the bus spective of the listener

Level 3 requires that we take the mindset of a listener into account.

On YouTube we found a wonderful level three conversation. The topic under discussion is a rendezvous at the park. The two children were on an independent phone call. Please stay on topic they also discuss whether they should walk or take the car. They slip out of level 3 when they point for each other to park out of the window. Because they are in different places pointing out the window won't work. Where they feel, pointing out the window offers us a chance to look at how good Converse work

Ever hear of the flipped classroom? It is based on the discovery that Active Learning is much more effective in high school and college than sitting in class and listening to lectures. Flipped classroom, students listen to lectures at home and do homework problems together in class. Everyone gets to talk in class and operate on the material. Student participation is the norm and not the exception. She asked parents to watch a video at home kidz about maps that introduce the vocabulary they needed words like north-south and map key. The next day they made a map of the neighborhood right around their school. The class had a blast using all of the new vocabulary words.

https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2011/12/what-americans-keep-ignoring-about-finlands-school-success/250564/


For Sahlberg what matters is that in Finland all teachers and administrators are given prestige, decent pay, and a lot of responsibility. A master's degree is required to enter the profession, and teacher training programs are among the most selective professional schools in the country. If a teacher is bad, it is the principal's responsibility to notice and deal with it.

From https://hbr.org/2015/11/3-timeless-rules-for-making-tough-decisions

I perused the restaurant menu for several minutes, struggling with indecision, each item tempting me in a different way.

We spend an inordinate amount of time, and a tremendous amount of energy, making choices between equally attractive options in everyday situations. The problem is, that while they may be equally attractive, they are also differently attractive, with tradeoffs that require compromise. Even when deciding between kale salad (healthy and light), salmon (a heavier protein), and ravioli (tasty, but high carbs).

The first method is to use habits as a way to reduce routine decision fatigue. The idea is that if you build a habit —for example: always eat salad for lunch — then you avoid the decision entirely and you can save your decision-making energy for other things.

That works for predictable and routine decisions. But what about unpredictable ones?

The second method is to use if/then thinking to routinize unpredictable choices. For example, let’s say someone constantly interrupts me and I’m not sure how to respond. My if/then rule might be: if the person interrupts me two times in a conversation, then I will say something.

These two techniques — habits and if/then — can help streamline many typical, routine choices we face in our lives.

What we haven’t solved for are the larger more strategic decisions that aren’t habitual and can’t be predicted.

Most importantly, they are decisions for which there is no clear, right answer.

Leadership teams tend to perseverate over this sort of decision for a long time, collecting more data, excessively weighing pros and cons, soliciting additional opinions, delaying while they wait — hope — for a clear answer to emerge.

But what if we could use the fact that there is no clear answer to make a faster decision?

“It’s 3:15pm,” He said. “We need to make a decision in the next 15 minutes.”

“Hold on,” the CFO responded, “this is a complex decision. Maybe we should continue the conversation at dinner, or at the next offsite.”

“No,” The CEO was resolute, “We will make a decision within the next 15 minutes.”

And you know what? We did.

Which is how I came to my third decision-making method: use a timer.

If the issues on the table have been reasonably vetted, the choices are equally attractive, and there is still no clear answer, then admit that there is no clearly identifiable right way to go and just decide.

It helps if you can make the decision smaller, with minimal investment, to test it. But if you can’t, then just make the decision. The time you save by not deliberating pointlessly will pay massive dividends in productivity.


Hold on, you may protest. If I do spend more time on it, an answer will emerge. Sure, maybe. But, 1) you’ve wasted precious time waiting for that clarity and, 2) the clarity of that one decision seduces you to linger, counter-productively and in fruitless hope for clarity, on too many other decisions.

Just make a decision and move forward.
If you are overwhelmed with too many decisions, take a piece of paper and write a list of the decisions. Give yourself a set amount of time and then, one by one, make the best decision you can make in the moment. Making the decision — any decision — will reduce your anxiety and let you move forward. The best antidote to feeling overwhelmed is forward momentum.

As for my lunch, I ordered the kale salad. Was it the best choice? I don’t know. But at least I’m not still sitting around trying to order.